i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
