I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
