Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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