well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
