Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
