I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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