just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
