sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
