I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
