I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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