I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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