hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
