Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
