it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
