That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
