Your face is a jimmy john
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
