I look better un-naked...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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