I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
