I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize