I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
