her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize