I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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