shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
