The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize