I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize