She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
