So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
false alarm, still single
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
