I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
