Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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