no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
