I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
