im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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