ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All the doctor said was why
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
