By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
