how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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