Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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