They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
