names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
