i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
