Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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