I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
one might say we're banned from that church
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
