her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
