I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i love accidental penises.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
