i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize