remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
