The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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