Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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