I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
