He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
