I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
