I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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