Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
