That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
