Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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