nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
