i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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