Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone came in the potted fern
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
