I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hippo gnu deer
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just pee around me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
