ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
