He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
