we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
