Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
