I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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