So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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