Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
